Second Adolescence?

A second adolescence?
I’ve always been proud of the idea that I am a strong, confident woman. Always thought how lucky I am to know who I am and possess super self-confidence, blah, blah, blah...As a teenager, even, I don’t remember going through the extreme angst of peer acceptance/ rejection or crisis due to body image or others’ perceptions of me. I seemed to have glided through my teenage years quite comfortable with who I was, my friends, my situation.

So....why now, as a 26 year old successful happy woman, am I beginning to have thoughts about how fat I am, how I want to be perceived as hip and cool by the adults around me, and I am ridiculously hormonal....I mean, seriously, I’ve become nearly obsessive about nutritional labels and light beer, counting calories, and weighing in religiously every Monday night as I fluctuate between 164 and 162, longing for the day when the scale will say 150 again or even 155. I’m spending 8 hrs a week working my ass off at the gym, not because it’s the healthy thing to do, but because I’m going to Mexico in July and want to look like I did on my honeymoon in my cute little tropical bikini.

I swing from silly and happy to sullen and moody in the time it takes for a bag of popcorn to be ready. I tear up at the thought of a sad movie or song on the radio. I flat out ball my eyes out when I get frustrated.

Jealousy has entered my mind. Suspicion. Doubt....like so many of the teenage girls I see everyday. Dude...I expected it to get more difficult to feel good about myself as I got older, but I didn’t perceive this until I was in my late 30’s and 40’s, not at twenty freakin’ six!

I’m insatiable when it comes to fashion and labels. Dying for a designer handbag and new pair of Jimmy Choos. Isn’t it supposed to be the opposite. Shouldn’t I be feelinhg more secure about myself and my body, less concerned with what people think of me, and more confident in my relationships? Are my teenage students wearing off my me finally or have I entered into some kind of quarter life adolescence?